Ames Straw Poll Triggers S & P Downgrade

Andy Borowitz reports:

Calling the results of today's Iowa straw poll “alarming,” Standard and Poor’s took the unprecedented action of downgrading Iowa’s IQ.

“This downgrade would be very upsetting to Republicans in Iowa,” said an S & P spokesman. “Fortunately, there’s no way they’ll understand it.”

Breaking News Washington: Congress Raises Ceiling

By unanimous vote,  the House of Representatives passed a bill raising Speaker of the House John Boehner’s medication.